…it’s been a while

Oh my gosh, has it really been 3 weeks since I last blogged??  Wow, time sure flies when you’re busy.  Well, without going into details, things have been pretty chaotic with my life, so I should first apologize to my faithful blog readers on my lack of posts.  You know when your mom tells you haven’t blogged in a while, maybe it’s time to stop and take some time to do so.

Well, what’s new with me and my improvements?  I’m sorry to say, nothing too much.  Due to a crazy schedule and other things happening, I decided to forgo my maintenance program for the month of May.  I feel like I have stuck with my healthy lifestyle pretty darn good for the most part.  I’m still packing my lunch for work, and still eating healthy through the remainder of the day.  Wow, who would have thought that I would say that?

The only thing I know I have slacked on is my workouts.  It sucks too because this weather we have been having is wonderful!  Good news is I haven’t gained, and the scale is still going downward, but I know I could do better if I could get back to my daily workouts.  I’m not going to beat myself up about it though.  Yes, exercise is important, and just as important as eating healthy, but I just can’t do it all.  Like I said before, there are some things going on, and to sum it up…I’m in dire need of a vacation.  *Ahh, I’m thinking the shores of Black Lake, Michigan.  The cool Michigan air blowing across the lake, nature so perfect you just want to stay in that moment forever….*   Snap out of it girl!

I have a confession everyone, something that has weighed on me for days.   I thought about buying a pack of cigarettes this week (insert dramatic soap opera music here).  Ok, ok, don’t freak out on me folks, I didn’t, but it crossed my mind on more than one occasion.  I need a release, something to comfort me in this trying time.  I thought of how easy it would be to just drive across town where nobody knows me, go in incognito with some dark shades and a hooded sweatshirt, and pass the money to the cashier like they do in the movies.  Oh, a pack of Camel Lights were beckoning me to come get them.  I had that feeling you get when you want to call an ex at 2 in the morning, then it hit me—you should never do that, and there are reasons not to.  That’s why you delete their phone number from your cell—for moments just like this.

I have gone 4 months without one, and I’ve come too far with the weight loss to go back.  I’m afraid that if I smoke just one, I’ll cave and pick it back up again.  They were my stress release, my comfort to a bad day, and I miss it, especially now.  I find myself second guessing my decision to quit.  I then find myself second guessing myself for second guessing myself in the first place.  Whew, that’s a tongue twister.  At any rate, with all that second guessing aside, I am still going strong.

Irritable and on the verge of insanity, yes, but I’m still going strong.