week 2–I’ve got my work cut out
The saga continues…
Monday, January 29th
Well, I survived today in pretty good shape. I finished the pack I got on Friday by the end of the work day today, which is actually pretty good. To last three days, much less it being the weekend, with one pack is amazing. My normal work day cigarette count is 3 on the way in, 2 on both breaks, 3 on lunch, and 3 again on the way home. So counting the few I might have throughout the night, I can go through a pack a day.
I made it to work today only smoking two. Becky (the gal who is quitting with me) and I decided that we will cut back to 1 on breaks and 2 on lunch, then decrease again next week. The trip home I also had two. I picked up a pack when I left, so heres to starting another pack countdown.
Tuesday, January 30th
ARRGGHHH!!! Today was a bad day for my smoking. I did so-so on the count, but boy was I hacked off at something with my Jeep. Technically I should say Im still hacked off, and really its with the guys at the shop. Why is it that just because I am a female, car mechanics want to treat me like an incompetent, helpless, woman? HELLO! Just because I have breasts doesnt mean I dont know my way around a vehicle. So Im pissed to the 100th degree. Having a flashback, I should have thrown their stupid tools out the shop doors! I wanted to grab them by their shirt collars and scream, Im trying to quit smoking and youre not helping me AT ALL, you, you judgmental *bleep*!!!! Im not going back there again, and Im sure they dont careI had attitude and another choice word wrote all over me on my way out the doors.
Whew, alright, now thats off my chest
So I smoked a couple more than I wanted to today. Im kind of upset, but Im OK with it. I know had it been a month before this, I would have gone through half a pack just stewing about my ordeal at the shop. I guess I can look at the bright side of thisI got my first situation to get pissed about out of the way. Wow, I forgot how bad the moodiness can get with quitting!
Thursday, February 1st
Well I purchased my third, and hopefully my last, pack of cigarettes tonight. I kind of went through my other pack fast, but I shared some on Wednesday with Becky. Good news, I didnt smoke at all on my way to work this morning. Of course I had none, but I suppose I needed that. I bummed some from Becky during the day for breaks, and she gave me one for my ride home. I ate dinner with some friends and didnt have to step outside, of course because I still had none. They were happy to hear about my quitting and all my life-altering changes I have planned, so it feels good to have that support. After my trip to the grocery store, I smoked one, the last one for the day.
Im starting to get a little nervous. My last pack. This is it. Ive already planned out how Im going to ration them. I feel like Im stuck on a deserted island and I have no way to get more cigarettes. Can I do it? Im beginning to question my decision not to use the patch or other quitting aides. I bought the 100s, thinking that will help me stretch it out long enough to get the nicotine out of my system. Will it work? I guess well find out.
Friday, February 2nd
So I did alright on my count today. I had one on my way to work, and two on my way home, which included some errands I had to run. I started getting a headache at work today. My first sign of nicotine withdrawalgoodie. Im guessing it was from yesterday and my severe cut back. All I can think is, grrreeeaat. I noticed another thing today that is apparently from my cut back. I stepped on the scale this morning and wasnt too happy. Ive already picked up a couple of pounds. I was wondering when that was going to happen, now I know. Not a good day folks, not a good day.
I can see now why Chrisy from Personal Newtrition told me to quit before I go on this 6-week program. Before the program you have a metabolic test done so they can figure out how your diet should go according to your metabolism. In the case of someone who smokes, and isnt quitting, they cant have nicotine 1 hour before the test because smoking speeds up your metabolism.
I want to get on this diet now. Personal Newtritions program is really going to helpIll go into detail on that a little later. Im thinking about getting a head start and jumping on my Tony Little Gazelle. I cant believe Im already gaining weight! I havent changed my eating habits at all, except for that extra chocolate I had on Wednesday. Surely THAT couldnt add a few pounds! Headaches and now the scale is tipping. What have I got myself into? It takes every bit of me to convince myself Im better off doing it now rather than later down the line. I wanted to quit before I got my teeth fixed, so I need to just get it done and over with. Suck it up chump! is all I have to tell myself. If I cant break this habit, how weak am I? I honestly dont want to answer that right now.
Saturday February 3rd
Once again, I did alright with my cigarette count today. In comparison to where I was 2 weeks ago, Im doing well. By now I would have easily gone through 8 packs, and Im still on my 3rd. So why am I feeling so down?
To all you people who have quit smoking out there, bless your nicotine-free hearts. I have heard so many suggestions for ways to quit. Cold turkey, weaning, take some from each new pack and toss them, the patch, gum, blah blah blah. Im getting aggravated and irritated with the thought of not having my filter-tipped companions. This is hardharder than I thought it was going to be.
I need to do this. I want to do this. Ive put myself out there for everyone to see, I cant give up. I want people to read this and be able to relate to what Im going through. I want everyone who is facing weight loss or breaking the smoking habit to see they arent alone. Im a real person, not just some picture in a magazine with a woman wearing mens jeans, holding them out like she really lost the weight. Im a real person, not some picture in an ad for a patch or pill. This is the real deal. Its hard, Im not going to lie, but its going to be soooo worth it in the long run.
I have to laugh sometimes. I keep having this mental image of what Im going to look like and feel like 6 months from now. You know whats odd when I think about that? Im so happy. I picture myself smiling, just loving where Im at. Its not that Im not happy now, I love everything about my life. Its just that I see a better me, a more healthy me. Ive decided thats my goal picture. I might not have a physical picture to post up by my mirror or at my desk to see every day, but by God, I can still see it.
Its gonna be a rough road, but I think Im going to make. I might stumble along the way, but Ill get there.