Underwear Etiquette

 
Women have a handicap in the underwear game. The cutest women’s wear is tighter, skimpier and lower-cut than all the others. With an inevitable “wardrobe malfunction” looming, we’re constantly tucking, pulling and covering. But that’s no life to live! Here are a few tips to keep your sanity (and undies) in check:

• Bridge the Gap. Button-down shirts are a staple in the business world. But, due to blouse gaps, they can easily turn into a cheap peep show if you aren’t careful. Stop by your local Victoria’s Secret and pick up a $7 box of Fashion Tape. It’s clear, double-sided apparel tape that’s cut to perfectly fit between the buttons on button-down shirts. Fashion Tape is also good for keeping the girls in check with deep v-cuts and keeping up strapless tops.
• Start an Evolution Revolution. Let’s face it, visible bra straps are trashy. No one wants to see them, but it’s difficult to find the right bra for all those fab unique tops in your closet. So, invest in one of the most amazing inventions since chocolate: The Evolution Convertible Bra. This bra can be worn in five different ways: two strap, clear two strap, racer back, backless or halter.  No more fussing with “which bra will show less?” Do it right and don’t show them at all.
• Clear Straps Aren’t in the Clear. Although one of the options for the above-mentioned bra is the “clear strap,” that doesn’t mean you should actually use it. You’re not fooling anyone, we can still see them. Tank tops with thin straps should be worn with strapless bras, period.
• White Out. It’s finally time to break out those white pants again. But stop right there, ma’am. Don’t think that because your pants are white, you should wear white underwear. That’s just going to scream “HEY, LOOK EVERYONE! I HAVE WHITE UNDERWEAR ON! YES, A TIGHTY WHITEY ON MY HINEY!” No one wants that. Avoid this problem with a pair of nude-hued undies. Find a color that matches your skin tone so that everything under cover is monochromatic, and doesn’t do any screaming.



• Draw the (Panty) Line. The last thing we want is another bulge to remind us of that yummy pint of Graeter’s we indulged on last night. But that’s exactly what old-fashion “granny panties” do. The elastic hits right at the softest part of our tush, which inevitably gives you a lump in your rump. Battle the bulge with a thong! They take a little getting used to, but as long as you get one in your size, they’ll be second skin before long. And then you can enjoy your Graeter’s in peace.
• Save the Whale Tails. According to Wikipedia, a “Whale Tail” is the affectionately descriptive term for the waistband of a thong when visible above the waistline of a low-rise garment, creating a shape resembling a whale’s tail. Talk about trashy! This is the queen bee of the trash hive. When shopping, put your pants on over your favorite undies and do some squats. If they stick out from under your jeans, I don’t recommend buying 10 pairs. Repeat the same test at home when you buy new bottoms to ensure that your existing drawers won’t come out to play.
• Just Say No to Commando. With all these rules, regulations and etiquette tips, you may just throw in the towel and decide to go commando. NO! If Britney Spears can teach us any thing, it’s that wearing undergarments when in public is a must. You never know who will be around when you get out of your car, who’s watching when you uncross your legs or if a strong wind will pick up. Hey, think of it this way…If you have everything covered when that air vent kicks on, you can summon your inner Marilyn Monroe!