Laws of Attraction and Seduction

Laws of Attraction and Seduction

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Long gone are the days when women had to sit back and wait for us men to make the first move. Now, to attract a man you have to make him believe you are interested in him, but not TOO interested.

Attraction is a funny thing; it can bring us together and push us apart. It relates to what you say, what you look like, your expectations, education, style and even how you smell. It’s complex. Attraction is related to what we like and dislike, while seduction tries to whittle away the dislike part of it. Ultimately, seduction is simply the life force of a potential relationship. Those sci-fi geeks were onto something when they said, “May the force be with you.”

Researchers have found that passion, intimacy and commitment are the foundations of strong relationships and are necessary for attraction. But don’t confuse attraction with a deeper connection. And don’t believe you can seduce a man into being something different than what he is. If you do, you are doomed to end up in a poor relationship with the wrong man.

You don’t need me to tell you men and women are attracted in different ways. Men are more visual and tolerate more from a woman they find attractive. Women are more attracted to style and humor. Men often lack emotional awareness and intuition. They don’t understand most non-verbal signals the way women expect them to.

That doesn’t mean you should throw yourself at a man to interest him. In fact, some types of seductive behaviors may turn him off or may lead him to believe that you are only interested in sex. He’s probably not going to turn it down, but don’t expect a follow-up date.

Recently, I saw a woman for counseling who couldn’t understand why men didn’t call her a second time. She was attractive, interesting and fun. As we talked, it became apparent that she let men believe that she was easy. She wore tight, revealing clothing and was very physical in her approach. She was just trying to be noticed. Men did notice all right, but differently than she hoped.

There are triggers to attraction. If you understand and use them you will become more successful in attracting a man that you are interested in.
First let’s talk about what NOT to do. Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t. Everything in the relationship will be based on a lie. And don’t do all the work in the relationship. You will seem desperate and over the top.

What CAN create a seductive environment that may lead to attraction?

  1. The right environment. Skip loud music and sports bars.
  2. Comfortable confidence. Men prefer confidence over pushy and arrogant.
  3. Good eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Keep the curtains open.
  4. Look good. Spend some time picking out a flattering outfit and makeup. If you prefer a more natural look with less makeup, be well groomed.
  5. Flirt. Be coy and seductive. Don't overdo it, a touch on the arm does the trick. Seem interested and engage him in good conversation.
  6. Use your voice. Nothing is more seductive to a man than a woman with a gentle yet sensuous tone of voice.
  7. Smell good. Our olfactory sense is highly developed so don’t overdo the perfume.
  8. Play hard to get. Don’t be too anxious. You might come across as overly aggressive.


Good luck! You may have already known some of these strategies, but give them another try. You can drop me an e-mail at and we can discuss both your successful and unsuccessful attempts at finding Mr. Right.