Ask Nicci: Letting Him Know the Intimate Details

Ask Nicci: Letting Him Know the Intimate Details

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In movies and on TV, they’re always talking about the "big third date," but I like to wait much longer to get intimate with a guy. How do I bring this up with a guy I’m interested in but not ready to commit to in that way?


Interested but not ready


Dear Interested,


Before I get started, I have to point out that movies and TV are rarely realistic. That being said figure out what you genuinely want in a relationship. Do you want a casual experience or a long-term relationship? Deciding your relationship goals up front will help you set your boundaries for the discussion.


Stereotypically, the "big third date" has been appropriate timing for a couple’s first intimate moment, but we all know that’s not today’s reality! Today, women are more assertive and know what they want. We are managers, CEO’s, entrepreneurs, and we are knowledgeable. So be confident, whatever your decision.


Once you’ve made up your mind, the way I see it is that you have two options, and I’m going to walk you through both.


If you want a casual relationship, you need to remember first and foremost to have fun and go with the flow. If you aren’t ready for the physical aspect of being intimate with your guy, then don’t be afraid to tell him. Guys are attracted to women with confidence, but don’t be too serious about the topic, as it might scare him away. On the flip side, you may find that being bold and telling him exactly what you want (or don’t want) will make you more appealing (sexier)! So, be careful with this approach if you aren’t prepared to be pursued even more.


Now, if you know that you want to keep this guy around for a serious relationship, I suggest being honest and setting boundaries immediately. I am sure your guy will appreciate knowing up front that he has no chance of being intimate with you right away. This way, he will not psych himself up to make the moves on you, only to get shot down and feel like a fool, which is never good for a guy’s ego. The objective is for both of you to be on the same page and have a mutual understanding so that your relationship can grow to be healthy without the burden of one, or both of you, wondering when "it" will happen. Take the pressure off yourselves by sharing your feelings and removing potential relationship landmines.


Either way, communicating your boundaries and confidence is key. There is nothing sexier to a man than a confident woman!