Ask Nicci: How to Get out of the Relationship Rut

Ask Nicci: How to Get out of the Relationship Rut

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I have been in a great relationship with my fiance for three years now. We are both busy professionals, and lately I feel we haven’t had quality time with each other. I miss feeling connected to him. What can I do to get his attention?


Missing My Man


Dear Missing,


First of all, I want to commend you. Good for you for being proactive and not allowing yourself to get stuck in that relationship rut that many of us fall victim to. Reconnecting and finding time for each other doesn’t require a weekend getaway or a vacation. Changing things up is sure to grab his attention, and I have some ideas that are sure to do the trick!


Look to your daily routine, and find some extra together time by adjusting your schedule. Be creative! Coordinate going to work later in the morning once a week and lounge together in bed. Meet for lunch. Even if it’s only an extra hour in the morning or a brief break for lunch, enjoy every minute and focus all your energy on the moment and being together.


Another simple and often overlooked way to connect with your fiance is talking on the phone. I know, talking on the phone — wild concept, huh? But you can make the time for a quick call while you’re between appointments or running errands. If he doesn’t answer, leave a voicemail saying something playful and sexy or just tell him you’re thinking about him. Hearing your voice is sure to get his mind racing.


Texting can be a fun and flirty way to connect. Surprise him with a sexy text or picture in the middle of the day; a teaser for later that night, perhaps. Show him he is a priority by responding to his texts immediately. Even if you’re in a meeting, send him back an "I love you." Everyone loves a little attention.


Be spontaneous. Show up at his office with dinner if he’s working late. I am certain he would love a break and appreciate the effort you took to see him.


DVR your favorite shows and set aside snuggle time on the couch to watch them together a couple nights a week.


Maybe your fiance doesn’t have a flexible schedule, doesn’t like to talk on the phone or text, and he might not be much of a snuggler. In that case, switch gears completely and make it all about him. Do something he enjoys. It may not be your idea of quality time, but it’s sure to get his attention and remind him that you care.


Bottom line: Break the monotony and remember the little things. Get back to the basics. You have all the tools you need at your disposal. Mix things up. Do spontaneous things that are unexpected and out of routine. It builds intrigue and, ultimately, your connection.