Ask Nicci: Two Guys, One Choice

Ask Nicci: Two Guys, One Choice

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I found a great new guy that I really like — and now a guy who was just a “friend” before wants more! Who should I pick — Friend or fling?


Just my luck


Dear Luck,

Decisions, decisions! Trust me, I can relate. Years ago, I was in a similar situation trying to choose between two guys. I couldn’t decide whether to go with what my head was telling me or go with my heart. The head vs. heart strategy worked for me. Maybe tossing a coin, pro vs. con, or “eeny meeny miny moe” will work for you! Seriously though, this decision with your friend is the game changer and should not to be taken lightly. Elizabeth-InStory.gif


Frankly, your friend’s timing bothers me. It just figures, huh — you finally find a guy you like and then your friend has an epiphany that he wants “more.” You were the same great woman before; ask yourself why now does he want more? Is the timing of your friend’s declaration of wanting “more” stemmed from jealousy over your new guy, or is it apathy?


If it is jealousy, then this could be a good thing. He may have sincere emotion and feeling towards you. Seeing you with another guy is what made him finally speak up and that is great…kind of. However, if jealousy hastened his motivation, be very wary of other negative qualities like control or other issues. It is great that he admitted his feelings but this epiphany complicates things for you since you’re now cornered to make a choice between the two.


On the other hand, if jealousy wasn’t a factor, the apathy is also questionable. Some guys are nervous and/or introverted and have a hard time expressing their feelings. His lackadaisical pursuit of you is a strike against him in my book. His poor timing could result in his own unfortunate outcome — too little, too late. Finding out what his true intentions are with you is critical and should be a huge factor in weighing your options.


Clearly, you have a history with your friend and you have known him longer, which trumps the fling. Although, the fling is a contender and deserves an opportunity to show you he’s everything you’ve ever wanted, or fail miserably trying. Regardless, date both guys for a short period and let this play itself out while you settle your decision. The last thing you need is to make a hasty decision you could soon regret.


Trust your instinct, take your time, weigh your options and play this out. There is nothing wrong with casually dating both guys. In fact, it will make you more desirable — guys love a challenge!