Ask Nicci: Polishing up Rusty Dating Skills

Ask Nicci: Polishing up Rusty Dating Skills

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I have a first date next week and I am so nervous. I am 41, recently divorced after being married 12 years and have no idea what to wear or even what to say! Do you have any advice?


New to this


Dear New to this,

Fear not, my friend! Your dating skills are probably a little rusty and I am guessing you are feeling pretty intimidated and that’s okay — in fact, that’s normal. Rest assured, you aren’t the first woman and you certainly won’t be the last that needs a little guidance when entering the world of dating. Things have definitely changed since you were last here and I am going to walk you through step-by-step. You’ll feel confident and prepared to take the dating world by storm!

First thing’s first: what to wear. Men are attracted to confident women — they find it sexy. And when we look good we feel good. Men love a woman in a dress — it gives us that feminine, flirty look. I suggest finding a form flattering dress, preferably a solid color. Wear a sexy pair of heels, too. If you aren’t comfortable in a dress, wear something else that makes you feel flirty and confident. Just for fun, buy yourself new panties and a sassy new bra. Like Oprah advised a few years ago, make a trip to Nordstrom, Macy’s or Victoria’s Secret and get properly fitted. Regardless of where you go on your date (restaurant, museum, rock climbing, golfing), dress venue—appropriate and wear something that makes you feel good.


Next is do’s and don’ts during your first date. There are definitely some topics that are off limits and should be avoided. Don’t discuss anything regarding your ex, divorce dramas, emotional baggage, finances, religion and politics. The last thing you want is to give yourself any potential red flags. Do keep the conversation light and easy. Talk about your interests, traveling, work, family, pretty much anything neutral and positive. Keep the drinking to a minimum and do not text or use your phone during the date. At the end of the evening, be polite and thank him.


The goal of a first date is getting to know someone on the surface and then deciding if you want a second date to explore further. First dates are awkward enough; don’t go into it nervous and pressuring yourself with the expectation of feeling instant chemistry or finding your soul mate. Whether the date turns out good or bad, keep the attitude that it’s simply an opportunity to meet someone new and have a nice evening out.


In the end, remember that nothing is sexier to a man than a confident woman. Go in there looking and feeling fabulous, well prepared with great conversation topics and the goal of meeting someone new.