Ask Him: How to Know He’s Really Into You

Hi Pete,
I want to tell you first that I watch you every morning. You're really funny!

I'm a full figured girl and my boyfriend says he loves that about me. But when I see him talk to his friends about girls on TV or see him looking in magazines, he's always gawking at the skinny girls that look nothing like me. How do I know if he's really attracted to me other than just asking him, to which he always says (and kinda has to say) "Yes, I'm definitely attracted to you."?

Without getting into too many personal details, yes, we're affectionate, but not to the extreme. The way he looks at those models, it's like he's about to start licking the page of the magazine. He doesn't do that with pictures of me! (Nor would I want to because I like my pictures to remain slobber-free!) But it would be nice everyonce and a while to feel like he's crazy about me.

And I want to feel that he is attracted without asking. I need to pick up on hints that tell me is without asking. Know of any?

Thanks for your help, Pete!

– Dalia Smith from"The Ridge"

Thanks for the question, Dalia! First off, there’s certainly nothing wrong with being a “full-figured girl.” As I’m sure you’ll attest, that just means there’s more of you to love.

As far as the boyfriend goes, let’s not forget that he is, after all, a man. And like most men, he has two brains – one in his head, and one in his pants. He uses one brain to problem solve, interact with others, and generally function on a daily basis – and the other one is in his noggin.

Every day, men (and women) are inundated with countless images of what is considered “sexy.” We see them on television, in the movies, and most certainly in your aforementioned magazines. With guys, it starts at a very young age. By around age 12, we realize that even the women’s undergarment section of the JC Penny catalog will serve as adequate fodder to fuel our budding sexual desires. As we grow older, these images shape our sexual identity. There’s a reason Victoria’s Secret models make millions of dollars. Corporate bigwigs know that women are willing to spend money out the wazoo to look like Gisele Bündchen (and that men are just as willing to spend money to make their wives and girlfriends look like Gisele Bündchen). Sexy foreign accent not included.

What most of us don’t realize, though, is that, without the proper infusion of genetics, world-class photographers and ample airbrushing skills, none of us will ever look like that. And honestly, that’s how it should be.

Men and women come in all colors, shapes and sizes. It’s all about variety, baby. Different people have different tastes. With millions of people to choose from, there’s something for everyone out there. Whatever forces brought you and your man together, Dalia, there was something there that both of you liked.

Why not try doing things that make you feel sexy. It doesn’t necessarily have to be some slinky negligé, either. Invite him over for dinner, and set the mood with some sexy ambiance. Whatever turns you both on. Whether it’s romantic music, a room full of scented candles, or 50 gallons of Jell-O and a laser light show. Whatever floats your boat. Just make sure that the focus is on you, and how irresistible you really are.

How did you meet? When do you have the most fun together? Try and make time for the two of you to reconnect, stirring up some of the same feelings you felt the first time you met. Unless, of course, those feelings involve extreme nausea from eating too much spicy Thai food. In which case, focus on the first time you really felt connected with one another. In a good way.

Again, it’s not necessarily about going out of your way to make him notice you. Just try doing little things that make you feel good about yourself. Things that give you confidence. Even something as subtle as a new outfit, maybe a different perfume. See if he picks up on it. If he still doesn’t seem to have a clue, talk with him about your feelings. After all, if you can’t effectively communicate with one another, what good is the relationship, anyway? If it’s truly meant to be, and he really loves you, he’ll catch on. If he doesn’t, you can always drop him like a bad habit. Remember, variety is the spice of life. And there’s undoubtedly someone out there looking to sprinkle on a little Dalia.

In conclusion, I wouldn’t be too concerned about your boyfriend’s fascination with women he has no chance with, anyway. But if he ever actually does start licking your magazines, call a poison control center and run away. As fast as you can.