Ask Nicci: Are “Nice Guys” an Urban Myth?
My nice guy radar is definitely broken! I keep searching for one, but continue to fall short and be disappointed. Are there any “Nice Guys” left in Cincinnati?
Signed,
Nice Guy S.O.S.
Dear S.O.S.,
Ah, the quintessential “nice guy”, the “Holy Grail” of dating! This is the elusive match that every single is searching for. Many wonder, is he a fictional character, or yet another one of life’s great mysteries?
Yes, nice guys (and nice girls) do exist and they are everywhere. However, we have put them on an unrealistic pedestal making them appear unattainable. The fictitious images of the “nice guy” created in our heads are not only destructive toward our goal but ultimately put you in the wrong places with the wrong guys. It’s no wonder we continue to be disappointed — we set up ourselves up to fail. It is time to go back to the drawing board and recreate “him”. Let’s first determine what a nice guy truly is to you — the non-fictional version.
We are always searching for “nice” and believe that if we find “nice” they must be perfect, right? Wrong. Being nice is just one component to finding a partner that is a good match. Ask yourself what qualities are important to you in a relationship and ultimately a life partner. [Tip: Consider what you will want 30 years from now when a forever friendship is more essential than looks.]
Let’s take this one step further, would you admit that what you describe as your “nice guy” is not at all who you date the most? One of our very primal flaws when searching for a partner is that we dismiss the obvious nice guy for not fitting our extraordinary standards. Don’t set yourself up to fail when you do meet a nice guy. Be realistic with your expectations. Its fine to have your guard up, but don’t shut him out entirely — you must be open and receptive to the idea of a relationship progressing or not progressing. Guys are not perfect, nor are we. Know what you want — If you aren’t looking for a fling don’t go to the places where that has the highest probability.
Bottom-line: Whether you are jaded, left confused or feel duped by someone you thought was nice, you must stay positive. Love is real! Unfortunately, dating is a numbers game and you have to continue to play if you want to win. Chin up and get back out there! I assure you there are plenty of nice guys to go around, just don’t be hasty and dismiss them too soon. (Hint, hint) Good luck!
