Ask Nicci: Popping the Question

Ask Nicci: Popping the Question

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I have been living with my boyfriend for a while. Our lives are, for the most part, intertwined. From the outside looking in, I suppose it would appear we are happy – you know, the whole "happily ever after" bit. However, that is the problem; our relationship is not fulfilling to me because it has not grown. We are stagnant. I have waited for him to officially commit and take the next step by proposing, but nothing has happened. Sadly, at this point, I honestly don’t feel it is ever going to happen. I’m not sure why he hasn’t or if he ever will propose. I want to get married and have a family. At what point do I cut my losses and move on?
Signed,
One Foot out the Door

 

Dear One Foot out the Door,

Wow. This is a big one. Whether you do or don’t have the investment in house/kids/pets, there is a lot at stake for you, and I know this will be easier said than done. You need to take a long look at yourself and what you really want from your relationship.

 

Choosing to end things and cut your losses is not an easy decision in a long-term relationship; however, the alternative of waiting around or forcing him to decide what happens in your life doesn’t sound appealing, either. I think it is time to have the "talk" with your boyfriend. Your approach and the way you handle the "talk" are very important, but at the end of the day, deciding what you really want is the first step. As scary as the outcome may be, you owe it to yourself to get some answers.

 

Blunt communication and honesty are critical right now. In your question, you stated you’ve been in this relationship for a while and that it’s not fulfilling to you, yet you continue to stick it out, hoping he will come around and ultimately propose. Ask yourself if you would feel complete and fulfilled with the relationship if he proposed tomorrow. Maybe you would, or maybe you just think you would. Do you really love him, or are you in love with the idea of getting married and having a family?

 

At the same time, take inventory on your relationship. Growth and movement is essential for a healthy relationship, in addition to honesty and communication – all of which could be missing components in yours. Too often, couples become complacent and comfortable, resulting in a stagnant relationship. Are you still making time for date night?

 

Get on the same page now! It is possible that he sees no timeline, and therefore is not in a rush. This could be a straightforward case of miscommunication. Regardless, you need to look out for number one – yourself – but also realize that maybe the resolution to this dilemma is as simple as you sharing your feelings and reevaluating your relationship goals.

 

If this is what you want, then fight with all you’ve got to make this work, my friend. I don’t have all the facts, and hopefully you all notice I don’t question or address your age. This advice should resonate from your teens to your golden years. To conclude, let me be completely candid with you – if he wants to marry you, he will. When someone truly wants something, they will do anything to get it – or in this case – keep it.