Dear Divine Creatures,
I have a dear client who’s going through a divorce. She feels that the only way to achieve peace and harmony is through winning the case. To her, winning means getting the alimony and child support she wants and putting her ex in financial strain. She believes that unless she gets this, she loses. It’s almost more about proving to everyone that she is a good mother and wife by being granted these things. Feeling that the only way to achieve victory and to have closure is to win this case over her ex-husband.
It has also become the only way to show others what she has been dealing with, like a badge of honor she can wear, proving her victory. A way to be vindicated for all the so-called things he put her through. This acknowledgement would bring the Peace and Happiness that she so desires and feels has been out of her reach.
It’s not the winning that will bring her or you peace of mind. It is peace of mind that will bring peace of mind. Try not to be fooled into thinking that something outside of yourself will get you anything. Or that achieving something or acquiring something outside of yourself will therefore affect and change something inside of you. Like saying if your mother were kinder you would get along or if the sun would shine more I would be at Peace.
If I realize that I can let go of the insistence that the way to peace must come in a certain form, then a huge chunk of resistance will go away. If I can embrace the thought that I can experience peace independent of a certain form, then Peace can come to me in a way I would never have expected. What I thought I needed doesn’t apply anymore.
As long as there is anger, shame, hurt, or guilt residing inside we cannot achieve peace. Peace is incompatible with these. Anger blinds one towards the path of peace. Look at your lack of peace as some kind of call to forgive. However difficult it may be to acknowledge.
When I asked for peace or to experience peace, what I am asking for is to be shown a way to forgive others or myself. Most of the time I’m being asked to be shown a very difficult path. Life is persistent and we can sometimes be un-teachable. However if I make peace my ultimate goal, forgiveness can be learned in any situation.
This divorce between my client and her ex is still going on. Learning to forgive herself for bringing this person into her life and for mistakes made is the way to freedom. Releasing the need to tally up all the perceived wrongdoings will actually release her. After all, we do the best we can being imperfectly perfect including her ex..
“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” – Buddha
We are all born perfect. There was nothing to fix because nothing was broken. We cannot achieve the kind of peace that we desire until we can see EVERYONE the same way
All of our enemies, or so-called enemies, feel pain that isn’t any different from ours. They feel hurt loneliness, guilt, sorrow, anger, and shame. Everything that makes us human, a rainbow of experience. It is very difficult for most of us to look at a so-called enemy, someone who has hurt us greatly, and try to see them as innocent equals. Or try to relate to them as we would our best friend.
Yet, These people are ambassadors to show us exactly where the unforgiving parts of ourselves remain. They hold up a mirror, exposing the parts of us that need to be forgiven and loved. They show us what needs to be worked on so that we can see the God in ourselves, so we can see it in others.
My client may not win this trial. She may not get child support or alimony. She may be shown publicly that she made some very wrong decisions regarding the children. She may be exposing things about herself that are not so pretty. Yet, this will be the way to see these fears for what they are: a reason to learn to love herself unconditionally, free of stipulations. It won’t matter how others view her when she can forgive herself for making mistakes. There won’t be a need for a list of ways to show that she is worthy or lovable because She has released herself of the chains of anger and guilt. Forgiving yourself allows you to see that the God in you…. is in the other, too.
Are You Ready?
As you take each step I will be there reminding you of your Magnificence, and I will continue to do so, until you are able to see it in yourself. © Copyright. Jennifer Annenberg Productions. 2013. All Rights Reserved. This publication may not be reproduced under any circumstances without the written consent of Jennifer Annenberg.
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