Everyday Inspiration: The Great Pretender
Pretending to be happy is the cause of every ailment on this planet.
We all seem to be living to the max. Doing things, going places and piling on more. Life is intense.
Sometimes you wonder what you’re doing wrong, why you can’t cope like everybody else. Every morning, you wake up with a feeling of dread, remembering the fight with your spouse, the bills you can’t pay or the job you hate. It all adds up and you wonder how to put on that happy face for the neighbors.
Except you can’t and as time goes by, it gets harder and harder to fake.
We avoid looking at the fear itself because it’s so unpleasant. After all, looking directly at the problems with our spouse means we will have to do something about it. Doing something means change, and change is scary. So what do you do?
You go for something that helps make it easier. That drink is easy, so are those pills. Shopping makes it easier, so does eating a lot. Some of us even go away from the problem, thinking space will solve it. So we make new friends, travel or constantly keep ourselves busy with ‘stuff’. But at the end of the day, your situation is still there waiting for you. You can’t run away.
We run from what we fear because of four main reasons:
1) We feel we will lose parts of ourselves if we change. We think something of ‘Me’ will be lost. You cannot change who you really are. Who you are is changeless and eternal. You came here and will end as the same perfect light you always were. Nothing you can do will alter this.
2) We feel we cannot cope and deal with what will come down the pipeline if we go ahead with a change. This is dealing with the unknown. Fear is an inability to have Faith and Trust that life always works out for you. We simply cannot see the big picture from our viewpoint. No one has a crystal ball.
3) We feel we will be rejected, alone, ruined or fail once we veer off the path we are on. There is no such thing as a straight path. Life is a series of course corrections.
4) We feel we will lose control. Another illusion. There is no such thing as control. You never had your hands on the wheel.
Your unwillingness to face your reality is only the tip of the iceberg. The real problem is your unwillingness to FEEL what’s bothering you. To experience the pain and ALL the emotions that come with it… head on. Until you do this, the unprocessed pain eats you up and affects the core of Who You think you Are inside.
The only way to feel what’s going on inside is to first and foremost acknowledge it. “I feel angry when he does this…. I feel so alone and worthless when…” Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere.
These are the unloved and unaccepted parts of yourself that need your attention. They are You after all. Of course feeling this is scary because we are now on the threshold of facing a change. The only person you can change is you. So now you face taking responsibility and empowering yourself.
We must learn to stop letting fear keep us from looking at the pain we hold inside. Pain is self inflicted and comes from the self hatred and self loathing that stems from feelings of inadequacy, like somehow you don’t measure up. In the past we kept this cycle of pain up because it was our way of being.
Taking that step towards feeling your pain is the only way to become free of it. Your pain is not stronger than you. So why are you resisting confronting it?
Suffering is caused by an inner resistance to accept what is but it can be so hard to fight as we so often struggle with the realization that things may change and grow. Take the time to look at your pain and suffering, seeing it for the messenger it is. Trust me, you’ll never look at it the same way again.
Everything, every single experience is here to help you evolve. Every single annoying person, interaction and transaction. Unfortunately most of the time we do the most we can to avoid looking straight on at the painful things rather than see what it could be telling us about our life. Our environment, our perception or even we may need to change in order to cope better with what has been handed to us recently.
We end up pouring more energy into avoiding things we don’t want to feel, instead of looking at it as part of a transition that will facilitate what you want. This is something that is part of your unique life experience. This is what makes You ,You. And it will keep coming up again and again until you learn to pay attention. Now is time to free yourself from the shell of your past patterned behavior, so you can break out into the Light.
This change is preparing you for your next grand adventure. People love change, they’re just afraid of the process. It’s the transition that causes the most anxiety. Once you take that first step, the rest will be easier.
The greatest chance you have to fully experience your Divinity is through your humanity. No one ever grows through comfort, instead we grow through diversity. Just like the seed which has to push through the soil or the bird pecking through the egg. Like the caterpillar which frees itself from a tight cocoon, what comes from its pain is a beautiful set of butterfly wings.
In facing the unknown, you embrace the same thing that allows the caterpillar to travel into the darkness. There is faith and trust that everything will turn out just fine. Allowing life to work its magic.
Your job is to get to know you and fall madly in love with yourself, unconditionally. After all, the only way you will know how to give unconditional love back to someone else is when you possess it yourself.
Why are you fighting it? Why are you resisting becoming a butterfly? Embrace this metamorphosis and becoming the butterfly you were meant to be.
“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, You’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” – Tony Robbins
I will leave you with one of my most favorite poems that I keep with me at all times. May it comfort you and bring you some small insight or awareness that you may not have had today. May your journey be a little easier because of it.
THE GUEST HOUSE
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
— Jelaluddin Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks
So welcome those emotions when they come up. After all, they may be clearing for the greatest contribution you can make.
Shedding light onto the dark places of your soul will illuminate your path and set you into motion and into the person you were destined to be May you see that life has bigger plans for you than you could ever know. Are you ready?
As you take each step I will be there reminding you of your Magnificence, and I will continue to do so, until you are able to see it in yourself. © Copyright. Jennifer Annenberg Productions. 2013. All Rights Reserved. This publication may not be reproduced under any circumstances without the written consent of Jennifer Annenberg.
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