Dear Extraordinary People,
It’s funny how many times we comment and interject, offering so called free advice to the ones we love, the ones closest to us.
We criticize and meddle trying to protect them and prevent bad things from happening to them. We’ve seen it before and know exactly what to do. And we do it in the name of love.
But could this advice really be hurting them instead of helping?
Think about it. This advice you are so compelled to give in order help them avoid pain, you are postponing and prolonging the very lessons they came here to learn. Not only that, you could be setting them up for utter disillusionment, failure and disappointment.
I had an unhappy friend who recently came to me telling me that the only thing preventing her from getting a divorce was potentially having to tell her daughters that they would no longer have the house that they relied upon and needed for security and emotional support. She went on further to state that they needed the support of the neighborhood around them as well and, in turn, they needed her in the mornings to be there to start their day.
I pointed out that this was about HER not her daughters. It’s arrogant to assume that others can’t or won’t survive without you. You are coming from the premise that you KNOW better and they are a helpless victim. That THEY are broken and need to be fixed or changed. Eventually this will lead them not being able to function without your guidance, help and input.
Is that what we want?
Is the purpose to allow others to be healthy, empowered human beings who know how to BE themselves and who see life as something to enjoy? Or is it better to tell people what to do, making them helpless victims who don’t feel empowered to conquer life’s seemingly endless trials and tribulations?
Be careful which lens you view your world through. Be mindful that you are seeing it through your thoughts and your filters and try not to project it onto others.
This can be taxing and especially damaging to the ones who depend on us for emotional well-being and support.
What to do?
Others need to see you give yourself unconditional love so that THEY can become empowered individuals who can claim their crown on the life that they came here for. You need to know and feel that you have the right to make decisions that are in your best interest. Take the time, unapologetically, to get to know Who You Are and let that Essence out into the world.
Otherwise you will never feel complete.
And the people who have learned to depend on your guidance and advice will feel lost without you. Because you have taught them that there’s something wrong with their initial gut instincts. Your loved ones will always second guess themselves, not feeling worthy of making decisions themselves.
They will continually look outside of themselves, feeling as if someone else knows better. After all, didn’t you teach them this? They will look outside for approval and succumb to the whims of others who are more dominant than they are.
In the case of my friend, the message being conveyed to her daughters was: “Accept a mediocre life. You can see that my happiness is not worth it. You will be my scapegoat. I can conveniently blame you for not taking that big leap of faith I needed to change.”
In the same vein it is good to be wary when you cannot make a decision on your own or feel frozen without the input or decision making of another who can take the form of a lawyer, spiritual advisor, therapist, spouse, etc. The moment you feel this you know you have given away your power.
It’s time to step back and claim your crown.
You don’t have to do anything or say anything. Just realize that you are here to be YOU. Everyone else has their own journey and you really don’t have to meddle. They are not broken and they do not need to be fixed.
When you are able to see yourself as perfectly imperfect, you will be able to allow others to be perfectly imperfect too. It should come as a relief to you that its not your job to fix anyone, it never has been.
Your only job is fix yourself. This is the only way you can be of any use to anyone else. A happy, whole functioning YOU is the only thing this world can really benefit from. Your loved ones will thank you in the long run in the way you will see them handle their lives.
Just bite your tongue!
Are you ready?
As you take each step I will be there reminding you of your Magnificence, and I will continue to do so, until you are able to see it in yourself. © Copyright. Jennifer Annenberg Productions. 2013. All Rights Reserved. This publication may not be reproduced under any circumstances without the written consent of Jennifer Annenberg.
Join the discussion and please connect by commenting below. Your journey helps others! Can’t wait to hear from you!