Live in Love: Confidence is the New Hot!

Live in Love: Confidence is the New Hot!

by -

With the start of the new year many people are working towards their resolutions. It was no surprise to me that losing weight is the number one new year’s resolution for Americans, but it was a surprise that building one’s self-confidence did not even make the top ten list of resolutions. Confidence plays an astronomical role in our lives! It can affect our mood and determine whether we get that position we have been holding out for; but most important it can affect our love life.


Let’s start with this example. A guy walks into a bar. There are two ladies sitting at the bar. A perfect ten on the left and a mediocre six on the right. The perfect ten’s shoulders are slouched and she is complaining about how fat she feels in her dress. The mediocre six has a smile on her face and tries to start a conversation with the guy. Who do you think the guy is going to gravitate towards? This situation happens on a regular basis at your local bar. The males that I have surveyed on this scenario have had a one hundred percent response rate for in favor of the confident woman. A confident woman exudes energy, that makes a man want to know even more about her.


Confidence is also a quality needed to maintain a healthy relationship. In many cases the opposite, insecurities, are an unnecessary evil that causes severe complications for a relationship. Insecurities challenge the foundation of trust in a relationship. When a person allows her insecurities to take over, it hampers her significant other’s independence and suffocates his individuality. Her attempts are for the purpose if keeping him, but it only results in contradicting this goal. People who have confidence in themselves, do not experience these insecurities often. When insecurities start to occur, they are able to challenge this evil with logical thoughts. They know they bring a lot to the relationship and it would be very difficult for their significant other to find that kind of relationship with anyone else. This confidence not only keeps their significant other attracted to them, but it attracts others too! This reminds him how great he has it, and it motivates him to take care of the relationship.


For individuals wanting to make this their new year’s resolution, here are a few basics that can help a person improve their confidence:


1) Look the Part! This ranges from taking care of yourself to how you present yourself. A confident person takes the time to take care herself, because she knows that she is worth it. She treats herself in a respectable manner and in return other people treat her with the respect she deserves. Here is a simple applicable lesson from psychology 101. A person’s perception of another is developed within seconds of observing her physical appearance. His initial perception influences how he treats her. Consider this. Have you ever gone shopping after getting finished at the gym? Were the sales people eager to help you? Not likely. The look of messy hair and sweat did not give them the perception that you were ready to spend lots of money, even though that has nothing to do with it. Now think about a time you went shopping after work, dressed in professional clothes. I am sure your experience with the sales person was dramatically different. It may not make sense, or even be fair, but this is the way the it works. Either way how you present yourself will start a cycle. If you are not taking care of yourself, people will not treat you with the respect you deserve, and then you will start to feel less confident. If you take care of yourself, you will have more positive responses from other people, and in return you will feel more confident about yourself. So take a few extra minutes to do your hair, iron your clothes, and walk a little bit taller.


2) Play the Role (or fake it till you make it)! Even if you do not have confidence start acting as if you do. Make a small goal, such as talking to one new person a day, and fake the part while doing it. (If this causes stress just thinking about it, take the words of Benjamin Mee from We Bought a Zoo. “All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, and I promise you something great will come of it.”) The more we behave as if we were confident, the more it becomes second nature, and we start to feel it. With each accomplishment , we develop self-efficacy (the belief a person can accomplish something, when she sets out to do it), and it will enhance or confidence and our accomplishments.


3) Do the Part! It is also just as important for you to do things that make you feel good about yourself. Otherwise, these efforts will only turn into narcissism. This includes being a good person, as well as being a productive person. How are you giving back to society? If a person does not give back to society, then she is stagnating. This only leads to anxiety, depression, and lower self-esteem; interfering with achieving the goal of confidence. The good news is there is a simple solution to this. Take a class. Find a hobby. Volunteer. By doing these things, it helps us become more productive and define ourselves. It increases our identity and in return it builds self-confidence. Simultaneously, it exposes us to more, giving us more to talk about with others. People will be drawn to this excitement, and it continues to build self-confidence!


So let us start a new trend by making Improving Self-Confidence our new year’s resolution. It is never too late! You deserve to feel great about yourself and reap the benefits of it; especially in your love life! Confidence is the new hot!

Columnist - Jen grew up on the outskirts of Cincinnati. She received her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from The University of Cincinnati and a Master of Arts in Psychology from The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. Jen has a variety of experience in the psychology field; from inpatient psychiatric facilities to courts/detention centers. She has identified the importance of taking care of yourself and your relationships to maintain a healthy and happy life. These experiences encouraged her to open a private practice in Life Coaching, which focuses on parenting issues, relationships, and stress/mood management. Jen is also an Adjunct Psychology Instructor at Cincinnati State Technical and Community College. She helps students not only achieve their academic goals, but also teaches them how they can live healthy lives. Jen's main priority in life, is her family. She has a loving husband and two energetic boys. The information she has learned through her education and professional experience, she has practiced, and it has helped her in the role as a wife and a parent. In Jen's free time, she enjoys playing backyard pickup games/board games with her family; running charity races; scuba diving; trying new recipes (which keeps her motivated to cook for her family); and skiing. These activities help her maintain balance in her life and achieve her creed: Live Happy! Contact her at