Teenage love seemed so easy, right? You walk down the halls of your high school, locking eyes with your secret crush, and for the rest of the day you fantasize about what could be. It is an exciting adventure to get lost in.
This is one example of why women love romance novels (Fifty Shades of Grey, anyone?) and hopelessly romantic movies. Internally many women long to be wanted and desired. The chase is alluring and exciting. When we get in to long term relationships or marriage, commonly that chase ends and sex and the adventure become about “quickies” and when can we fit time as a couple into our busy life styles. Just like in most good things (though quickies do not have to be bad) slowing things down can be very beneficial.
One of the key ingredients to sex is foreplay. Foreplay amps up the excitement for what’s to come. I’m not talking about the kind of foreplay in the bedroom, but the kind that takes place throughout the day. Great sex starts outside of the bedroom. When foreplay is practiced outside of the bed, women often times find their desire again, the intensity of the sex increases and you’re able to have fun and be playful as a couple. The inner teenagers emerge. Try these tips throughout your day to enhance your sex life.
Compliments and Affirmation
Who doesn’t like to be told something nice or be built up? Becoming aware of ways your partner likes to be praised or admired and tell them can enhance positive feelings for one another. A good exercise to practice that coincides with compliments is called the “I appreciate game.” In this game you and your partner tell each other two things you appreciated about them that day or that week. If you want to take it a step further you can then add on one thing you did not appreciate that they did. For instance,“ I appreciate that even though you were exhausted, you took the kids to all their sporting events. I appreciate that you made me a bubble bath when I got home from teaching all day. I didn’t appreciate that you left the toilet seat up last night.”
Build each other up sexually throughout the day. Send e-mails about exciting sexual things. Fantasize about one another. Buy some lingerie and let your partner know about it. This allows you to get your head in the “sex game” and out of the business of life. You’ll start to get excited to see and/or spend time with that other person.
“Because I Love You”
Do things for the other person that helps them feel loved. Another activity you can intertwine in your day is called the “Because I Love You” card created by Building Intimate Marriages. When you decide you want to do something for your partner such as buying lingerie, sending flowers, writing a sweet note, making their favorite meal, you can attach this “Because I Love You” card to it so your partner knows they were thought about.
Connect as two people who love each other. What are some ways you are playful together? Where do you have the most fun? What brings out that spark in you as a couple that brought you together in the first place? Engage in those activities that bring you closer to each other.
Men and women’s sexual responses can be very different. Typically men can be ready to have sex at the drop of a hat, while women need a little more prep time. Women don’t usually get from zero to 60 in a minute or less like men can. Not only can these exercises help excite you for sex, but they can bring back the environment of being desired and wanted like you were when you were younger. Flirting and being playful with each other allows your body to be at a different stage in the sexual response cycle than without.
Don’t neglect physical foreplay once you do begin engaging in sexual behaviors. Start out with soft kisses and sensual touching. Avoid touching genitals and breasts at first to increase that tease, desire and excitement. Most importantly, don’t forget to have fun and focus on each other.
These suggestions are to help guide you in your journey to living a more fulfilling sexual life. If you are experiencing any sexual difficulties, I encourage you to seek help. If you have any questions or comments about what you read, feel free to e-mail me at Emma@Emma-Schmidt.com.